


A Son For a Son

by E_J_Morgan



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:25:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J_Morgan/pseuds/E_J_Morgan
Summary: Reid and Stephen get kidnapped and Gideon is forced to make a very hard decision: who should live and who has to die?





	A Son For a Son

**Author's Note:**

> This is AU, because I slightly changed Reid's age and background - but not very much.  
> The story is taking place at the very beginning of season 1.

The team was gathered in Garcia’s small room, all standing in a semi-circle with the technical analyst herself being the only one sitting in the middle of the chaos, each of them looking perplexedly at the screen showing the horrifying scene unfolding in front of their eyes. They could watch but couldn’t do anything else; certainly not what they really wanted to do: burst into the place (at the sadly still unknown location) and shoot the son of a bitch that had kidnapped two innocent young men for the sake of pure torture and revenge for something that had certainly nothing to do with either of the youngsters.

 

So, being unable to do more, they just watched helplessly as the cruel man finally levelled his gun to deliver the fatal shot at the head of the dark-haired, terrified boy Gideon had reluctantly named as the inevitable victim of the crime. Had he not chosen against all his heart’s painful stabs, both boys he loved so dearly would have died. The others understood that this way, maybe one of them will have the chance of survival. At least that was what the man with the pistol had promised and thus far his promises, however evil, had all been kept.

 

As they saw it happen as if in slow motion, none of the team members could even believe it had come that far in such a short time…

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

_Earlier that day_

 

Gideon knew this was going to be a hard day: it was the one-year anniversary of the so-called ‘Boston explosion’ that had cost him six of his greatest agents – friends – on that fateful night in the seemingly abandoned warehouse. Also, nearly a seventh… Aaron Hotchner, a junior agent back then, had barely survived the attack himself. In the end, thanks to the fact that Gideon himself had reacted quickly and then had refused to give up on the agent, he had lived to tell the tale. Of course, the healing after the horrible incident had been long and painful for all of them…

 

Losing his colleagues, not to mention all the hostages they had been trying to save, had broken Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon on many ways. He had been on sick leave for six long months after that fateful night, and he suspected he hadn’t come back to the Bureau ever again, if not for his young protégé he felt he needed to guide and be there for.

 

He had brought Dr. Spencer Reid at nineteen years of age to the BAU right out of the Academy only two months before the explosion. The boy had been so very young and innocent – still was for that matter –, he just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him on his own to cope with everything this job threw at him on a regular basis. He still felt guilty about those six months as well, right at the beginning of the boy’s career and he hoped he hadn’t done damage with that. He suspected, when you handpick an 18-year-old psychology and sociology university student, and persuade them to go for the FBI training against every plan they might have had beforehand, you’ll become responsible for them somewhere along the way.

 

He had aided the boy’s whole career after that, beginning with his acceptance at the Academy up until graduation from which he had snatched the half-happy, half-frightened youngster straight to their Quantico Headquarters to introduce him to the team members right away.

 

Next day, Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid – as the youngest agent ever – had started working for the elite group called BAU and he had been gaining reputation and respect ever since. The boy was a genius, no doubt about that, but he still had lots to learn, especially about real life. And Gideon was determined to help him in every way he could. His own son had turned away from him a long time ago because he had felt his father loved his work more than him – which was not true of course, but the now twenty-six years old man felt like that anyway, and Gideon couldn’t blame him. Still, he had vowed not to make the same mistake twice: he was not going to abandon the boy that was like a son to him in everything but blood. The boy he had chosen, trained and groomed especially for the BAU. The boy that depended on him now.

 

With that thought Gideon dragged himself out of bed with a groan and forced his protesting body to get a move and prepare for a day that was surely going to be hell. Though, right then, he didn’t know how very true this premonition was going to turn out to be…

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“Has anyone seen Reid today?” – Asked Morgan with a hint of worry in his voice just as Gideon entered the Bullpen. Sure enough, one look around confirmed that the young agent wasn’t anywhere near in sight.

 

“Ahm… no. I don’t think I have. Maybe he’s just running a bit late? I mean, we were here until quite late yesterday. Perhaps he just slept in?” – Guessed Elle, their latest addition to the team. Her being new could explain that she didn’t really know the genius yet, otherwise she wouldn’t have suggested such a ridiculous thing as Reid sleeping at home during working hours.

 

“I doubt it. He’s never late; that enormous brain of his won’t let him rest long enough to oversleep.” – Replied JJ, also a bit concerned. – “You know what, I’ll just call him.”

 

Gideon came to a halt in front of the desks of the junior agents, waiting in anticipation for the media liaison to reach their missing genius.

 

“I hope he’s not sick. He did look a bit tired yesterday. Though I guess we all did.” – Stated Hotch who had apparently joined them unnoticed sometime during the conversation. He was now standing between Gideon and Morgan, alternating between glancing towards the elevators in hope the boy would walk through the door of one of them and watching JJ dial for the second time.

 

“Guys, he doesn’t pick up. It goes straight to voicemail.”

 

“That’s odd. He knows he has to be available---”

 

“Hotch, Gideon, _everyone_! I have just received a message… For all of us…” – Shouted Garcia in total panic mode, running to where they were gathered and panting out of breath. But what really caught everyone’s attention was that she looked as if she were fighting back tears. – “It’s about our Boy Wonder… and ---”

 

Morgan was instantly on alert.

 

“WHAT!? What is it, Baby Girl? Who is the message from? What’s in it? Show us!”

 

“--- and Stephen Gideon.” – Finished the technical analyst, turning to a flabbergasted Gideon. – “They’ve been kidnapped. Sir… I can’t… I don’t know… Come on, I’ll show you.”

 

The whole team filed into Garcia’s place and found themselves face to face with the frozen image of a man wearing a black mask that completely covered his face and two young men sitting on chairs behind him on each side of the dimly lit room, arms bound to the back of the seat, gags preventing them from talking. Reid had a trail of blood running down his forehead from a nasty cut while Stephen seemed to be developing a blue eye and a nice bruise around it.

 

“Garcia, play the video.” – Instructed Hotch in a chocked whisper. The eccentric woman nodded, pressed ‘play’ then quickly turned away so that she wouldn’t have to see the horrors that she suspected would follow.

 

_“Hello, Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon. I’m afraid you still don’t know who I am but I can assure you: I know everything about you. As you can see, I have two guests here, both of whom, I believe, mean a lot to you. But, surely, you love one of them more than the other, right? Well, you should think about it. I’ll be calling you at 10:30 again. Then, we’ll be able to chat live. Until then reflect on your feelings for these two charming young men.”_

 

The tape ended with the man turning away from the camera to stop the recording. The screen turned blank immediately afterwards.

 

For ten long seconds, nobody seemed to be able to speak, or even move. They just stood in stunned silence, until Hotch cleared his throat and sprang into action:

 

“Garcia, do you know where this message is from?”

 

“No, sir. It’s been sent through several proxy servers from all over the world, I could trace it back to Africa but then… I’m still working on it. Sir. But Reid and Stephen… Oh, my God… And it’s my fault because I should be able to find them, and---”

 

“Baby Girl, it’s not your fault. And we will find them!”

 

After Morgan’s reassurance, Hotch addressed the distraught Gideon.

 

“Jason, do you have an idea who this man could be and what he really wants?”

 

The senior agent still had his eyes glued to the now completely black screen, as if he could still see the scene there.

 

“No. I don’t know. But, Aaron, he has Spencer and Stephen!”

 

“I know that, Jason. Please. You need to think. Who would want to target you like that? And what does he mean by ‘you love one of them more than the other’ and that you need to ‘reflect on your feelings’?”

 

“I have no idea.”

 

“Well, it’s 10:20. I guess we’ll soon know more…”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Sure enough, at exactly half past ten, the screen came to life again; and this time it wasn’t a pre-recorded tape but a two-way, live communication channel. The scenario was the same though with the masked man standing closer to the camera and the two hostages in the background.

 

_“Well, hello again, Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon. We have a nice day, wouldn’t you say?”_

 

“Who the hell are you, and what do you want?” – Spat Morgan angrily, pushing himself forward to stand in front of the camera, ignoring Hotch’s attempts at physically restraining him.

 

_“Tsk, tsk, stk. Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan; is that the correct way to negotiate in a hostage situation? Is that what you teach your agents, Agent Gideon?”_

“How do you know my name, you---”

 

“Morgan! I’ll have you removed if you can’t keep your temper in check!” – Whispered Hotch and this time managed to push Morgen to the side.

 

_“Very wise move. I always knew you were the reasonable one of the lot, Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner.”_

 

“Just tell me what you want from me, Mr…?”

 

 _“Nice try, Agent Gideon. But no, it would be too easy if I just told you my name like that. No. I want you to guess it. You see, we have met before but I’m not sure I made a big enough impression on you back then. Now, on the other hand…”_ – He gestured at the captives behind him. – _“This time, I think, you’re bound to pay more attention to me.”_

 

“You’re right. I’m paying attention. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. But don’t hurt them; you have no reason to.”

 

Nobody moved as they waited for the man to reply. He seemed to consider his answer for a minute before nodding in acceptance.

 

_“All right. I’m not a cruel man, Agent Gideon, just bitter and heart-broken. So, I’m not going to hurt them. Yet. But I think they must be thirsty and hungry, what do you believe? Actually, your son, Stephen, looks like he’s going to pass out any minute from thirst.”_

 

“Would you give them something to drink?”

 

_“Where is the magic word?”_

 

Gideon gritted his teeth.

 

“Please, give the boys something to drink.”

 

_“I can’t do that. Not to both, anyway. But you can choose one of them to get a glass of water.”_

Everyone gasped.

 

“W--- what?”

_“You heard me: choose. One of them gets to drink, the other doesn’t. Which one should it be?”_

“But I can’t choose, they both need water!” – Gideon was horrified. What was this man doing? Was that some sick game he was playing with them?

The senior agent looked around and found the same horrified expression reflected on the faces of the others he knew he himself wore.

_“If you won’t choose, neither of them gets anything. It’s so simple.”_

 

The man stood, patiently waiting for Gideon to say something. In the background, Stephen really looked like he was about to black out any minute; probably as much from shock as from thirst. Reid, on the other hand, was visibly nervous, tapping his left foot rhythmically against the floor (as much as it would go with the rope around his legs) and staring into the camera with frightened doe eyes. Garcia started to sob uncontrollably at the sight and had to leave the room in a hurry so as not to cause a scene and make things even worse.

 

 _“Miss Penelope Garcia doesn’t seem to take the stress very good.”_ – The man observed, but Gideon purposely ignored him and was staring intently at the two young men instead, body language betraying his forced calm façade to everyone who really knew him.

 

Finally, having come to a decision, he spoke.

 

“I would like you to give the glass of water to Stephen, please.”

 

_“Your wish is my command, Agent Gideon.”_

 

In the next minute, they got to watch as the man in the ugly mask produced a clean glass of water from somewhere behind the camera, stepped to Stephen and surprisingly gently helped him sip from it right after carefully removing the gag from his mouth.

 

Reid’s tapping intensified and was looking at Gideon intently, if not outright accusing. Morgan cursed under his breath, JJ had tears running down her cheeks, Elle stood petrified while Hotch sighed sadly. At the end of the day, Stephen was Gideon’s son. None of them was really surprised at his choice, even if they all wished they could have changed it somehow. Being a father himself, he knew how terrifying this must be to Gideon. Hell, he himself didn’t feel much better…

 

“I’ll call you again at noon.” – With that, the screen turned off and Hotch spoke to Gideon.

 

“Jason, I… I don’t blame you. And I’m sure Spencer doesn’t either. Not really, not even if he’s angry now… He’ll understand. When we find them, you’ll talk to him, and…” – Hotch wasn’t used to not having the right words and stuttering like a nervous high-school boy on his very first real date. But in that situation, he found himself completely helpless to do anything for the kidnapped youngsters or his old friend and colleague, and it made his blood boil.

 

The senior agent just shook his head then dejectedly left the room.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It wasn’t half an hour later when a hysterical woman came storming into the Bullpen, followed by a security guard, and started screaming right away for Jason Gideon. As everyone hurried to meet her, the guard put up his hands apologetically.

 

“I’m sorry, sirs. She was very adamant in coming up to meet you. She’s not a security risk; I checked. She says she is the ex-wife of Agent Gideon and that it’s about their son.”

 

“It is!” – Screamed the agitated woman. – “Jason, they took our baby! They… I found this letter, it says that you’re the only one who can save him. Do something!”

 

“Karen, show me the letter.” – He demanded, then, without waiting for a reaction, snatched the cramped piece of paper from his ex-wife’s shaking hands.

 

“Do something, Jason! For once in your life, do something for your family! For God’s sake, why isn’t anyone doing something!? You’re all just standing here as if everything were all right! They took my boy!”

 

Gideon was staring at the letter in intense concentration, so Morgan took it upon himself to try to calm the concerned mother.

 

“Ma’am, please. Sit down. We know about the kidnapping and we’re working on it already.”

 

“You knew about it?”

 

“Yes, Karen.” – Began Gideon, finally looking up to meet the eyes of his ex-wife, handing the letter to Garcia for further investigation. – “And Stephen wasn’t the only one taken. The man has Dr. Spencer Reid too, one of our agents. They’re both all right and we’ll get to talk to them at 12:00 again.”

 

“He’s with an agent? Then he’ll be fine, won’t he? The agents are trained for situations like that… He’ll take care of our son, right, Jason?”

 

Nobody said anything to that, not thinking it was time to mention that the agent was a 20-year-old skinny boy who was most probably just as scared as Stephen.

 

The group, now together with a distraught Karen spent the time until noon trying to figure out who the man could be and where he was keeping the boys. At exactly 12:00 the promised call came.

 

_“Hello, everyone. Oh, I can see we have a new guest! Marvelous!”_

 

Karen all but pressed her face into the monitor as she shouted.

 

“Oh, my God, Stephen! Are you all right? Let my son go, he hasn’t done anything to you!”

 

“No, he really hasn’t. But his father has and his sin has to be punished.”

 

“What!? Jason, what is he talking about? Is my baby suffering because of something you did and because of your wrenched job again? Haven’t we been through enough thanks to you, you---"

 

“Karen, it’s enough!” – Warned Hotch.

 

_“Listen to the man, Karen; he is the voice of reason after all. So, we’ve come to the next stage of our game, Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon. It’s time for you to learn what I really want. But first of all, a question: do you know who I am?”_

 

“No. I have honestly no idea.” – Everyone who knew Gideon could hear the barely repressed anger in his voice, carefully hidden behind his ever calm façade.

 

 _“Hm… That’s a pity. Then let me help you a bit.”_ – With that, he pulled the mask from his head with one single movement.

 

The team found themselves face to face with a white male around 60 years of age. His graying hair had visibly thinned recently. His eyes looked haunted and his face was more wrinkled than you’d expect from someone his age. He was still quite burly though it was evident just seeing his clothes that he had lost weight in the last months.

 

Hotch, Morgan and Gideon all winced. As members of the original team, they instantly recognized the man.

 

“Mason Donovan.” – Breathed Hotch. – “The father of Agent Jeremy Donovan.”

 

“Oh, my God. What are you doing, sir? Jeremy was our colleague and friend! He wouldn’t want you to do this to us, man!” – Morgan burst out. – “We worked with him for years!”

 

_“How could we know what he would want? He’s dead! Thanks to Agent Gideon over there! Do you understand now, Gideon?”_

 

“It… I’m so very sorry for your loss, Mr. Donovan. You can’t even begin to imagine how much.”

 

 _“Oh, I know that. That’s what you said on the funeral. That you’re ‘sorry’. As if it would bring back my son! You sent him into that building in the middle of the night! It’s thanks to you that he got blown to pieces…”_ – The man started to cry earnestly at that. – _“I lost him because of you and still: you’re here! Working again, leading another team… I guess you weren’t sorry for very long, were you!?”_

“Mr. Donovan… I’ll never forget that night, and I can assure you, I’ll never stop feeling guilty about what happened…”

_“Words, words… EMPTY WORDS! Nothing more! You’ve moved on, just like everyone else has. Everyone forgot my son but me! Even my wife has left me! Tell me, Agent Derek Morgan. Do you still think about the fact that you chose exactly that day to call in sick? That this is the only reason you’re still alive? That you got the flu at exactly the right time? Oh, Jeremy told me a lot about you. You’re the real cool guy, aren’t you? Probably never sick: not before that, not ever since. But right then… Tell me: did you know? Were you afraid and chose the easy way out? Did you let your friends, as you call them, walk into their deaths while you were lying around at home, in safety?”_

Morgan hung his head in sadness.

 

“No, Mr. Donovan, I can assure you: I wasn’t faking. Yes, of course I still think about what happened. Constantly. I don’t know why I lived. I don’t understand myself.” – He looked up determinedly and met the grieving father’s eyes. – “I lost six friends that day, sir; three of them were my teammates, three others from a different unit but friends nonetheless. I understand that it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through but please, believe me when I say: it was not an easy time for either of us. And we’ll never forget.”

 

_“Phrases again, without real meaning behind them. Tell me, Agent Aaron Hotchner: why were you the only survivor? How come you were the last to enter the building? How is it that you could be saved when nobody else could?”_

“I don’t know. I’m very-very sorry for your loss---"

_“You nearly died that day, I’ll give you that, but then you miraculously pulled through because HE saved you. Why didn’t he try to save the others as well, why was he so fixated on you that he completely forgot about everyone else!?”_

 

“Because he was the only one I could reach. As soon as I realized it was a trap and that no amount of negotiation would help us, I ran towards my team to warn them… But it was too late. The others were already inside, only Hotch… Agent Hotchner… heard me and stopped just in time. Even like that, he nearly died, the others inside…” – Gideon chocked up. – “The building all but collapsed, I couldn’t have gone in. Even the firefighters had a hard time with the proper equipment. I’m sorry.”

 

_“And why weren’t you, as team leader, amongst the first to enter? Shouldn’t it be like that? What kind of leader isn’t willing to take the risks but sends his people into danger?”_

 

“It wasn’t like that! I wa---”

 

_“My son was 32 years old, he had his whole life ahead of him! His career was just beginning and he was engaged to his long-time girlfriend! They wanted three children and a house and a dog… And now he’s dead because of a bad decision you made! And you’re still with the FBI, still in the same unit! You weren’t even punished! No, people felt sorry for YOU! And now you’re back and mentoring this pathetic little kid. Who is, if I might mention, in danger because of you. Again. Tell me, Agent Gideon: Are you teaching him too how to detach himself from any human feelings? Because I can tell you it’s not working. Kid’s got a nervous tick that’s worse than any aspie’s I’ve ever seen…”_

It was sadly true: Reid was again agitatedly tapping both his feet, shaking his head and generally looking very close to a full-blown panic attack. While his friends’ hearts broke to a thousand miniature pieces at the sight, Karen spoke again.

 

“But what does that have to do with Stephen? You’re angry with Jason, I get it. But why Stephen!?”

 

_“Because I want Agent Gideon to suffer just like I did. Like I’ve been suffering ever since and will be for the rest of my pathetic life. But Agent Gideon has two sons and I’m not going to kill two innocents. True, he killed six people but the others are not mine to revenge. Just my son. A son for a son. That’s just fair, isn’t it?”_

 

“NO! You can’t hurt my son! Please! You have the other boy! He’s a team member, he’ll suffice…”

 

“Karen! Oh, my God! You can’t mean this!” – But Hotch’s incredulous outburst didn’t seem to deter the woman at all. She only had eyes for her son now and her only goal was to save him.

 

“Stephen is a civilian, he really doesn’t have anything to do with that! That boy… Kill him instead! He’s an agent and you’re angry with agents… That would be the logical revenge!”

 

The man seemed to think about these words for a while. After some consideration, he replied.

 

_“This boy was a team member even at the time of the explosion. He wasn’t there because they always wanted to shelter him. They protected the ‘baby’ of the team. My son used to talk about him all the time ever since he had joined their team. Said the kid was as green as they come and not at all cut out to be an agent. He also told me that Agent Gideon was behaving like a father to the kid and that Agent Hotchner, Henderson, O’Brian and Morgan all but adopted him as well. The others were skeptical but liked him well enough. My son didn’t have anything against him either, but he felt so protective, he said it would be distracting if he were to go with them on a field assignment.”_

 

“But he never came with us. He wasn’t there. The team wasn’t distracted by anything. I swear.” – Tried Morgan. – “It’s not his fault.”

 

_“Never said it was. All I’m saying is that I’m going to take one son from Agent Gideon the way he took one from me. I only had Jeremy but he has two, so… Agent Gideon: it’s your choice.”_

 

“WHAT!?”

 

_“I just told you; don’t play the dumb. It doesn’t suit you. You can choose which one of them dies and which gets to live. I promise you, the other one will walk away free and unharmed. I’ll call back in half an hour then you can tell me your decision. Immediately after, I’ll shoot the one you’ve chosen and I’ll let the other one go. And it will be over. See you in half an hour.”_

 

And with these ominous parting words, the screen went blank.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“You think he’ll really let Stephen go if you choose the boy to die? Jason, are you even listening to me? It’s about our SON!”

 

But Gideon didn’t seem to be listening to Karen – or to anyone else for that matter. He had sunk into Garcia’s abandoned chair as soon as Mason Donovan had stopped the video call and had been sitting there motionless ever since, deep in thought with silent tears running down his face. The others were sure he hadn’t even noticed he was crying and would deny it vehemently if mentioned. He was very clearly in shock and the others didn’t know how to help him.

 

Garcia had already mournfully informed them that she hadn’t been successful trying to trace the calls and that analyzing the letter hadn’t led anywhere either. Neither Mason nor the late Jeremy Donovan had anything on their name in DC or anywhere in the vicinity. They didn’t have family nearby either; they were all from Oklahoma. She hadn’t been able to find any locations associated with either of them here. And yet they knew Reid and Stephen couldn’t be that far because the first call had come nearly immediately after the abductions and that meant they couldn’t have travelled much.

 

Even with that knowledge, they literally had nothing.

 

JJ had already informed the SWAT to be ready for when they would learn where to go… Sadly, for now, they had to just be on standby and wait for further orders.

 

Elle had loaded and reloaded all their guns at least three times and gathered their bullet proof vests to be ready for when they could get their entirely too smart genius back.

 

Now, everyone was just lingering, waiting for the inevitable last call. It all seemed hopeless.

 

  **CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

They had another ten minutes until the pre-announced call and tensions were running high. Karen couldn’t stop screaming at Gideon – who, in turn, had pointedly ignored her up until now. Now, he just seemed to have reached the end of his patience and the breaking point.

 

“You can’t do this! What’s so difficult about it? It’s not even a real decision to make! You can choose between your son and a stranger! What’s there to think about!? Don’t tell me you don’t know the right choice? Jason? JASON!”

 

“You can’t stay quiet for even a second, can you? That was always the problem with you. If you took something into your head you didn’t stop until I had enough and agreed to whatever you came up with, regardless of what I thought about the idea. But not this time, Karen. This time, it’s serious. You shouldn’t even be here, for God’s sake, it’s an FBI operation! If you won’t shut up, I’ll have you kicked out so fast, you won’t know what hit you!”

 

“What? The only thing I want is a reassurance that you’ll choose the boy to die and Stephen to be let go. It’s just not too much to ask for, isn’t it? Or have you forgotten that Stephen is your _son_?” – Gideon just shook his head angrily, giving up the argument. – “Oh, God. You really care that little about your own child? I’d known long before our divorce that you didn’t love me anymore. But your son? You _bastard_! That boy loves you! What’s that compared to another agent, whose job is to save civilians first anyway!?”

 

Gideon had just opened his mouth to say something when the video call activated again. This time, Mason Donovan held a gun in his hand and seemed just as nervous as the two boys sitting behind him, still bound to their respective chairs.

 

Stephen was openly crying by now while Reid had slowed his tapping, hanging his head and peering up at the audience from behind his too long locks that had fallen in front of his eyes. He, for one, seemed to have already accepted his fate and given up all hope, probably having already guessed where this whole thing was headed. Gideon couldn’t choose his own son to die, everyone knew that.

 

_“So, Agent Gideon. We’re ready when you are. Have you made your decision?”_

 

“Yes.” – Said Gideon determinedly, ignoring Donovan and looking hard and long at both his sons; one in blood and one in heart. Stephen was silently crying and staring into nothingness, so only Reid made eye contact with him, giving him a small, sad smile and a barely visible nod, with his last selfless act trying to redeem his mentor from any guilt he would happen to feel because of his decision afterwards. – “Yes. I have.”

 

_“And it would be…?”_

 

You could have heard a pin drop in either of the places, as everyone held back their breath, awaiting verdict, even though each were absolutely sure they already knew what the answer would be. Karen stared at Gideon and mouthed ‘Let Stephen go’ at him, trying to force her ex-husband to just get it out already. The others were watching Gideon as well, while Hotch put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, unable to do anything more to ease the pain they all would be going through in a few minutes.

 

The senior agent sighed deeply and with a last look at the two boys, he said:

 

“I choose Dr. Spencer Reid to live.”

 

The effect was immediate: Karen shouted NO! and lunged at her ex-husband, punching and cursing. Morgan and Hotch needed a few seconds to shake themselves out of their stunned reverie to be able to help contain her fury, while JJ and Garcia started to sob, clinging to each other. Elle joined into the group hug without further ado, seeking strength and reassurance herself. Everyone knew there had been no good choice here but this outcome was something none of them had expected. They would get Reid back!

 

Even Donovan was rendered speechless for a while, before asking:

 

_“Are you absolutely sure? You want me to let the boy go and shoot your son?”_

 

“No, of course he doesn’t want that! We want our son to live! He just mixed it up by mistake!” – Insisted Karen, struggling in Hotch’s arms.

 

_“I’m sorry, Karen, but only Agent Gideon can choose. So, I’ll ask again: did you mean it like that? You want the boy to live and your son to die?”_

 

Gideon stood up straighter and repeated:

 

“Yes. I choose Dr. Spencer Reid to live. That’s what I said and that’s exactly what I meant.”

 

“You BASTARD!” – Shouted Karen as Stephen began to fight against his binds for the first time since he’d been captured. Reid on the other hand didn’t react at all, as if he hadn’t heard anything.

 

_“All right. Can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s your choice. Your son it is then.”_

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

At Donovan’s movement, Garcia felt herself lose all her strength and let Morgan help her into her chair. The others stood around the screen as the man leveled his gun to the head of the terrified Stephen, who was still desperately trying to break free, to no avail. The ropes wouldn’t let him move even an inch.

 

As the kidnapper fully turned to his would-be victim and prepared to shoot, several things happened very fast:

 

First, Stephen started to shake his head and tried to scream over the replaced gag in his mouth, making himself a difficult target and angering their captor.

 

Second, Karen shouted, cried and bargained loudly, agitating the man even further.

 

Third, with a speed no one would have believed possible, Reid got himself free from the chair, tore the gag from his mouth and lounged with his full weight against Donovan, knocking the surprised man off his feet and away from the field of view of the camera.

 

From then on, the team couldn’t see anything of what was happening; they could only guess from the sounds. And what horrifying sounds they were! There were at least two gunshots, glass breaking and something that sounded like a cupboard falling over.

 

They could hear Donovan cursing, something heavy rolling down the stairs and a very loud thud as it came to a halt at the bottom. Then there was only silence.

 

The team stood and watched but now the only thing they could see was the still crying and shaking Stephen who gave no indication of wanting to offer any information whatsoever, or even look at them.

 

“Stephen. Baby. It’s Mom. Do you think you can get yourself free and out of there before the man comes back?” – Tried Karen carefully, unsure if her son was even still capable of listening to her. – “Stephen? Do you know where you are?”

 

“I know where they are.” – Declared Gideon, already running towards the elevators, letting the others hurry after him, trying to catch up.

 

In the lift, JJ was already on the phone, relaying the instructions Gideon was saying about the location to the SWAT.

 

“But how do you know that?” – Asked Elle while fastening her bulletproof vest. – “You said before that you had no idea.”

 

“I didn’t. But then Reid told me.”

 

“What? When? How? Jason, what do you mean he told you? He was gagged and panicking.” – Reasoned Hotch, not sure if they weren’t making a mistake by leaving in a haste to a completely wrong location. Maybe they should have waited to see what had happened. If Reid was even still…

 

But by now they were already in the cars, speeding towards the destination Gideon had named and it was too late to turn back.

 

“No, he wasn’t panicking. He was communicating with me. We were talking the whole time.”

 

There were surprised gasps from everyone in the car with him and from the other vehicle, over the phone.

 

“But how?” – Asked JJ finally which Morgan echoed through the speaker.

 

“Morse.” – Gideon explained. – “He told me he was taken as he exited the metro here. Stephen was already there. They were in the car for around ten minutes after that and during the drive, they stopped three times. He told me he was sure they had crossed the bridge and were near the river. He mentioned a few other clues like the ground they drove on and things like that… and from that I had a general idea but I thought they were underground, until I heard Donovan… them?... hopefully just Donovan falling down the stairs. That means they’re not in a dungeon. Now I have a pretty good guess and I’m confident we’ll find them.”

 

“Wow. Just… wow.”

 

“And how did you know Spencer would be able to get free and save Stephen? You knew, right?” – Pressed Hotch.

 

“Of course. He had already told me he was free; he’d been working on the ropes around his wrists the whole time. He just needed Donovan to turn away long enough so that he could free his legs as well. I gave him the distraction he needed by naming Stephen as the victim and creating a chaos.”

 

At that moment, they arrived to find SWAT already having secured the area and in position to storm the building.

 

“On the count of three.”

 

As soon as they entered, they knew Reid and Gideon had been right: this was the right place. At the bottom of the stairs lay Mason Donovan, covered in blood and bruises. Before Morgan could have checked for a pulse, a faint voice came from a nearby dark corner.

 

“He’s just unconscious.”

 

All turned there to find…

 

“REID! Oh!” – Elle threw herself at her friend and held on tightly, never wanting to let go. – “My God, I thought… We were afraid that you’d…”

 

“I’m fine. I sprained my ankle… And I might have broken my right wrist. But I’m fine, Elle.” – He said as a reassurance and hugged her back, not caring about the fact that he usually hated being touched.

 

After Elle, JJ, Morgan and Hotch followed. Morgan was on the phone, telling a sobbing Garcia that their ‘Boy Wonder’ was alive and relatively well.

 

“I can’t believe you fought the man and won, Spence. Wow.”

 

“Well, it’s not that I had any choice. He would have killed one of us… Do you think Stephen is going to be all right?” – Reid asked worriedly, looking towards the stairs as medics tore him from the circle of friends to look him over.

 

Meanwhile, the rest of the EMTs with Gideon and Karen had rushed upstairs to free Stephen. The young man was completely fine except for the shock from the fright he’d had.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Of course, Reid had ended up in the hospital. His assessment about his ankle and right wrist had been correct but he had originally forgotten to mention that he had also broken three of his ribs (luckily, none of them had injured his lungs which had been a real danger according to the doctors), reopened the nice, deep cut on his forehead and gotten a concussion by falling down the stairs and having Donovan – who weighed at least two and a half times as much as skinny Spencer – land on him.

 

Now he was confined to bed for at least three days and rather irritated about it.

 

“I don’t see why I couldn’t rest at home. It’s not like I’m dying here!”

 

“Spence, you look like you’ve been to Hell and back.” – Pointed out JJ, trying to placate the young man who was by now in fact sporting spectacular bruises in all the colors of the rainbow.

 

“Yes, Sweetie. Besides, you really deserve to be cared for after your ordeal.” – Continued Garcia while fluffing up his pillow and tucking him in properly, using these activities to hide the fact that she was wiping tears from her eyes every now and then. She couldn’t help it: her Wonder Boy looked so young and small and sick lying helplessly in that hospital bed… She just wanted to hug him but sadly, now even that would only cause him more pain. Whatever he was insisting: everyone knew he was pretty banged up.

 

“Reid, listen to us. You’ve never been on a sick leave before. Or on vacation. Don’t try to argue: I asked Garcia to look it up in the records. So just rest, okay?” – Said Elle, pushing back stray hairs from his forehead.

 

Morgan nodded in agreement and closed the blinds to cover the windows, considerably dimming the light in the small, private hospital room the FBI had been able to secure for the young hero.

 

Reid threw a betrayed look at Garcia but then relented. What else was there to do with all these overeager mother hens and his protective big brother all ganging up on him? Besides, he had to admit: it was actually nice to have people who cared for him that much.

 

He had never felt this loved before: his father had left them when he was six years old, never to return or even call him ever again. Not that he had seen much of him even before that. The busy attorney hadn’t had the time – nor the patience – for a freak like his son and a sick wife. His mother… well, ‘parenting’ in the Reid household usually went the other way around, with Spencer taking care of her, since she even forgot to eat or get out of bed without proper medication and constant nudging from her son. Whenever Spencer himself had been feeling under the weather, he’d had to suck it up and go about his tasks as usual, because there had never been anyone else to do his duties and nobody to take care of him anyway.

 

It was nice for a change to have this sense of belonging and family… even if it _was_ frustrating sometimes. Also, the darkness felt good… He just wanted to close his burning eyes for a moment…

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Next time he woke up, the girls and Morgan were gone but Gideon and Hotch had taken their place, sitting at his bedside, talking in quiet whispers among themselves so as not to disturb him.

 

Reid had a few minutes to ponder and sort out his thoughts, as the two older agents still hadn’t noticed that he was awake.

 

Hotch and Gideon were, in a sense, both father figures to him. Gideon more like a real father: he had been the one to approach him at the university after the lecture he had given, asking if he was interested in learning more about criminology and human behavior. The man had noticed during his speech how captivated the youngest undergraduate had become and had taken the effort to talk to him. That had never happened before; people usually just expected him to soar through his classes, and do everything on his own. Just like at home, in his whole life… Gideon, on the other hand, had offered him his opinion, guidance and help. Without him, Spencer would never even have considered joining the FBI.

 

Hotch… The man was usually a mystery but – in Spencer’s humble opinion – in a good way. He looked mostly like he didn’t care; he played the strict leader, especially since he had actually become Unit Chief after… the _incident_ … that had caused so much pain to so many people. But under that cold exterior Hotch cared deeply for his team, whose members he regarded as friends and family. And he had helped Spencer so much! Already during his training at the Academy, Hotch had aided him through the more demanding courses – namely everything that was practical and required him to present at least some kind of coordination and strength, neither of which he possessed much… Anyway, Hotch had believed in him and hadn’t laughed at the idea of making an agent out of the too skinny, too geeky, too _weird_ teenager when Gideon first presented him the unusual idea. Never before had anyone who wasn’t even old enough to drink, stepped into the Academy, never before had anyone been granted so much leeway, or been groomed especially for one elite unit. Never before had anyone ever began their career by the BAU immediately after coming out of the Academy. Literally immediately, like the day after graduation.

 

If anyone had asked Spencer in advance, he’d have admitted he’d expected more bullying and resentment from the other agents because of these circumstances; instead of that however, for the first time in his life, he had found a real family. Losing part of them in the explosion had been a real hard blow, especially when it had become apparent that Gideon wouldn’t be back for a while. But the man had kept in touch, had invited Spencer to the university to do research with him and even guest lecture on certain occasions. Also, Hotch (after recovering) and Morgan had been there for him during the whole time, keeping an extra eye on him and reassuring him again and again that he still belonged on the team, even without Gideon there to mentor him.

 

As he was thinking about how well this new team seemed to function together, Gideon finally realized that his eyes were open, and scooted closer to him, gently taking his (mostly) uninjured left hand into his much bigger ones.

 

“Spencer, son. How are you?”

 

Reid looked at his right wrist that bore an ugly cast covered in messy scripts and drawings done by Garcia and Morgan.

 

“I’m all right. Completely fine. I think I’m ready to go home now.” – He announced then promptly winced in pain as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position. Hotch was instantly there to stop him. The older agent gave the sick youngster an amused, albeit slightly reprimanding glare that spoke volumes. – “Ah, okay, I _might_ be a little sore. But it’s not bad enough to warrant a hospital stay!”

 

“You’ll stay here for as long as the doctor thinks it necessary.” – Stated Gideon sternly, not leaving place for further arguments.

 

Reid sighed in defeat and relaxed back onto the pillows. He had to admit, it was more comfortable to just lie motionlessly than try to prove his point by moving around. A genius like him should have figured it out before making his back throb in pain.

 

“How is Stephen?” – He asked instead, ready to steer the conversation away from himself. If Gideon and Hotch noticed his abrupt change of topic, they humored him. For now.

 

“He’s fine physically, but still in shock. Karen is with him now. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s being kept here for observation.”

 

“I’m sorry this happened to him. He shouldn’t have been part of this.”

 

“Neither should have you.” – Gideon reminded him.

 

Reid just shrugged at that but winced again. His broken ribs seemed to protest even against such a small movement as that. Just brilliant…

 

“You do know that we’re very proud of you, don’t you?” – Asked Hotch, looking at him searchingly, obviously trying to determine if he was hiding any more injuries. – “That trick with the Morse… It was genial. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even notice. I really thought you were just nervous…”

 

So much for changing the topic… Reid hated talking about himself and didn’t know how to handle praise. It was all so uncomfortable for him.

 

“It’s okay. It was addressed to Gideon anyway. He understood right away.”

 

“But how did you know he did?”

 

Reid smiled mischievously at his old mentor.

 

“Oh, because he responded. Don’t your arms hurt from all the scratching?”

 

“Don’t be cheeky, boy!” – Gideon warned but his eyes sparkled with mirth.

 

Hotch remembered instantly that Gideon kept his arms interlocked and scratching them during all the conversations. At that time, he had thought it had only been a stress-reaction. These two were really something together! So much like father and son!

 

“Unbelievable. You two are incredible. Really.” – He said finally. – “We were sick with worry and anger about not being able to do anything and all the while you two were having silent conversations!? Do you do that often?”

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know…” – Laughed Gideon, winking at a suspiciously impish Reid.

 

“I feel left out.” – Joked Hotch, who was in reality very proud of their youngest. He had exceeded all the expectations and proven that he was so much stronger than anyone had given him credit for.

 

“Don’t worry, Hotch. I promise, the next time some deluded psycho kidnaps me, I’ll give all the secret clues to you!”

 

“Let’s just hope that’ll never happen, kiddo!”

 

“Let’s hope so, but knowing my luck: it will.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Gideon entered his son’s room with some hesitancy. He hadn’t been alone with Stephen for years, since the boy – well, now a 26-year-old young man already – had decided his father found work more important than him and had severed all ties with him as a retribution. At first, Gideon had tried everything from sending SMSs, voice messages to even visit Stephen’s dorm at the collage. Nothing helped, his son hadn’t wanted anything to do with him and had made it quite clear for everyone to hear. In the end, Gideon had had to admit defeat and honor the boy’s wishes.

 

Ever since they had rescued the boys, Karen hadn’t left Stephen’s side, so every time Gideon had tried to talk to him, his ex-wife was there to glare daggers – or even go as far as send him away, screaming ‘Go to the other one. The one you love so much you’d scarify your own son for. Stephen has me.’ It was so unfair! Gideon had tried to explain everything to Karen. Hell, she had been in the car when they were on their way to the building; she had _heard_ herself what he had told the others about their plan! She knew very well he wouldn’t really let the man shoot his son. Why couldn’t she just understand that was the way to save both boys!?

 

Now, two days after the horrible kidnapping had ended, Karen had finally agreed to go home and sleep a bit. Stephen hadn’t been let home despite not being physically injured, for he was still deathly pale and suffering from intense nightmares. Now, it was Gideon’s time to make amends with his son.

 

As he stood there, the irony of the whole situation flashed through his mind: he had been able to communicate with Spencer entirely with Morse codes in total secrecy, being miles away and in a stressful situation, but standing in front of his own son, he was totally lost for an idea how to behave and what to say to him. How had things come that far for the both of them? And more importantly: could it still be repaired? God, he hoped so.

 

“Stephen? Are you awake?” – He asked upon stepping up to the bed, finding his son with closed eyes.

 

“Yes, I am, _father_.” – The word sent cold chills through Gideon; his son had always called him _dad_. He sighed and sat onto the chair next to the bed.

 

“How are you feeling, son?”

 

“Why do you care? You have found a better son for yourself now; why don’t you ask him how he is?”

 

“Stephen, you can’t mean that!” – Gideon felt horrified. Was his son really that jealous? He had been the one who didn’t want to talk to his father for years, Reid hadn’t even been in the picture back then! What was this young man’s problem? – “Spencer is not a substitute for you. You are my son and I love you.”

 

“You love me so much that you chose me to die!”

 

Oh, God…

 

“That’s not true. Spencer had managed to free himself and he needed distraction to get away. To save you too until we got there. And that’s what happened.”

 

Stephen snorted.

 

“ _Spencer_ this and _Spencer_ that. How I can’t bear to hear it anymore! The genius boy. The flawless one. Not like me… And don’t tell me you were absolutely convinced he could save me. You just wanted to make sure _he_ would get away. If one of us had to die, you clearly wanted to make sure it was me and not him!”

 

“That’s not true! There was one thing I was certain about: that this was the only way. We couldn’t have got there soon enough and I couldn’t stall for time anymore. This. Was. The. Only. Chance. I took it, and I’m glad I did, because now both of you will be fine.”

 

“And if he hadn’t been able to tackle that maniac? That scrawny kid doesn’t weight more than an average 11-year-old and he didn’t have a gun. So, what would have happened then?”

 

“I don’t even want to think about it. He managed and you two are all right. That’s what matters to me.”

 

Stephen looked at him with such anger shining in his eyes, that Gideon nearly recoiled at the intensity of it.

 

“Tell me: which one of us matters more?”

 

Gideon knew what Stephen wanted to hear. He knew what Karen would expect him to say. God, he knew. And he also knew that it wasn’t the truth and he thought his son deserved an honest answer from him.

 

“You both matter the same.” – Before Stephen could turn away from him, he gently grabbed his arm to hold him in place. – “No, listen to me, son. A father has place for more than one child in his heart. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. You need to understand this.”

 

“But he’s not your child. Or is there something you want to tell me? Kid is… what… Sixteen?”

 

“Just turned twenty.”

 

“What!? How pathetic, he looks like a prepubescent little boy. Anyway, especially if he’s twenty: you were still with mom when he was born. So, dad, is there something we should know…?”

 

“No, son. Not in the way you think. I haven’t even met his mother yet. His father isn’t me; it’s William Reid, though he surely doesn’t deserve the title. He’s not mine in blood, but he feels like a son to me. And it will never change my love for you.”

 

“I will never regard him as a brother! Never!”

 

“You don’t have to. I’m not asking that of you. And I’m not mad or disappointed either. I would just like it if you accepted me as a father again. But if it’s too much to ask… I’ve honored your wish not to have contact ever since you’ve made it clear that you don’t want to have me in your life. I will continue to do so if that’s what you want even if it breaks my heart. I would give anything if we could start over…”

 

“What do you mean? You would like to talk to me sometimes? Maybe even meet?”

 

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

 

“Well… if you happened to call me… say next weekend… and wanted to meet… Go on an excursion… for example birdwatching… well…”

 

Gideon was grinning as if he had won the lottery. Birdwatching was something they used to do a lot together when Stephen was just a little boy. Ever since their fallout, the senior agent sometimes still did it alone, but it usually felt empty, sad. It would be so much more fun to do it as a father-son activity again.

 

“Agreed, buddy.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

By morning the next day, Stephen had been cleared to go home after the doctor had recommended him a good therapist to help him with the nightmares. Karen was waiting outside the room for him to finish dressing and get ready to go.

 

“Mom, can you give me a little more time, please? There’s something I still need to do.”

 

“Of course, son. Can I help you with whatever it is?”

 

“No, thanks, I need to do this alone.”

 

Karen seemed skeptical. After everything that had happened, she hated leaving her son alone even for a short time. But Stephen was an adult, he had the right for privacy, so she couldn’t do anything but agree.

 

“All right, baby. I’ll wait in the car outside.”

 

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

When Karen left, Stephen took a deep breath, and after a gentle knock, opened the door to the room next to his.

 

Spencer Reid looked horrible: he was covered in bruises and it was evident that even lying in the bed was painful. For the first time ever, Stephen felt a pang of guilt about his behavior. The younger boy had saved his life after all…

 

His visitor – Derek Morgan, if he recalled the name correctly – nodded in understanding and left them alone without any comment, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder on the way out.

 

Spencer looked at him curiously from his position on the bed, trying to turn towards him but then quickly giving up with a wince.

 

“Backache?” – Asked Stephen with sympathy and took Morgan’s earlier place, making sure to stay in front of the boy so that he wouldn’t have to move to see him.

 

“It’s nothing. I don’t know why they insist on keeping me here. Nothing ever happens here and I’m going crazy! I mean, there are only so many books you can read in a day!”

 

“Oh? How many have you read since you’re here?”

 

“Sixteen. I wanted to read more but Hotch confiscated all I had for the night and still hasn’t given them back. He’s a tyrant!” – The boy was ranting, clearly agitated.

 

“Well, you’re here to heal not to worsen your eyesight by 2 diopters by the time you leave… You should just relax and enjoy being the hero.” – He smiled, showing he hadn’t meant it as a taunting but actual appreciation.

 

“A hero?” – Spencer blinked as if this were a foreign word for him, especially in relation to himself. – “I’m not a hero! I’m pathetic! Just look at me: I’ve managed to render myself useless for weeks just by taking a man down… Elle would have had him with a kick and be done with it. Morgan can knock anyone out with a right hook in seconds… Even JJ and I’m sure Garcia are better fighters than me. And Donovan was neither young nor fit. I should be fine, not lying here crippled! Even he will get out of here sooner than me! I heard they’ll let him go tomorrow – straight into custody, of course.”

 

“Well, but _he_ fell on _you_ , not the other way around. And he is quite heavy while you’re… ahm…”

 

“Scrawny. Yes, I know. I’m actually skinnier than 87,6% of men in my age group and much smaller than 100% of all FBI agents, _including_ women… That second fact is incredibly disturbing.”

 

The self-loathing was something Stephen hadn’t expected and didn’t really know what to do with it.

 

“You’re also much younger than any of them.” – He reminded the boy.

 

“Thanks, I soooo like hearing that...”

 

Okay, so it might not have been the wisest thing to say, Stephen had to admit. He tried a different approach.

 

“Hey, listen, I… came here to thank you. For saving my life in there. Because you did. Everyone knows that, even Mom. So… Thank you.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me, Stephen. I’m glad you’re all right.” – Reid assured but then felt uncertain if he should continue or not… - “There is something I’d like to tell you but… well, you know. I’m really not good with social cues. Ah, scratch it: I’m the worst ever. So, I have no idea if it’s appropriate for me to say that or if I’m being the biggest jerk for even bringing it up with you… And I can’t read people’s reactions very well either so you just… you know… punch me in the face if I’m being too nosy. I usually understand _that_ … Ahm…”

 

Stephen’s curiosity was instantly awakened. What could the boy have to tell him that he was so unsure about?

 

“Just tell me, it can’t be any worse than how I did trying to give you a pep talk.” – He smiled.

 

“Okay… Well… You know that your dad loves you very much, right? And that he would never ever have chosen you to die, had he not known about my plan?”

 

Spencer Reid seemed to be full of surprises. This was again a topic Stephen hadn’t expected him to bring up.

 

“Ah… you know, my relationship with my father is a bit… difficult. It wouldn’t be easy to understand.”

 

“You think? I haven’t seen my father since I was just a small child. And also, not much before that. But yours is at least trying and that’s much more than what can be said of mine. Don’t push him away! We’re there, we can see how much it hurts him.”

 

“We have actually come to an agreement. We’ll try to keep in touch and even meet sometimes.”

 

“That’s good!” – Spencer said honestly. – “I’m very happy for you two. I know you’ll want to knock me out for saying that, but Gideon… ahm… I mean your dad, _Jason_ Gideon, is important to me. I love him like a father and I hate seeing him hurt.”

 

“You’re right, until yesterday, I would really have knocked you out for saying that.”

 

“And now?”

 

“Now… I just don’t know.”

 

“Should I try to run for my life?”

 

Stephen raised an amused eyebrow.

 

“Could you?”

 

“Good point.”

 

“Now I’ve had a talk with dad and with you and I’m not so sure anymore. I must admit: I was jealous. Incredibly so. I felt like I didn’t have a father. That I had lost him to his work ages ago. And here you were, spending more time with him than I ever had the chance to, having been handpicked and mentored by him for years. He has seen you grow and mature and will see you continue to do it in the future. He missed those years with me, you know, because he was just never there.”

 

“I think he’ll never forgive himself for that. This job is very demanding, most of us see more of the colleagues than of their own family. Even Hotch, and he has a pregnant wife at home. I don’t think it’s easy to have a spouse and children if you do what we do. Maybe I’ll never have anyone. Others leave because of that very same reason. Gideon… _Jason_ Gideon loves his job: he helped build up the BAU to what it is today and it’s understandably very important to him. He’s a _legend_! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his family.”

 

“I know that, I just wish he hadn’t been gone during my whole childhood so much.”

 

“I understand that. And I think he wishes the same. But he hasn’t replaced you with me.”

 

“I didn’t say---”

 

“You didn’t need to. I’m not only a profiler but I also have a B.A. in Psychology. _And_ I’m not blind.”

 

Stephen hung his head.

 

“I’m sorry. But it’s true: I kinda feel like he has replaced me with someone better; someone who’s more like him. Whom he can relate to more and spend more time with because of the common job and interest.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m a socially awkward person who can’t bear to be touched most of the time, even if it’s just for a handshake. Dogs want to attack me and kids usually run crying the other way when I’m around. They call this the ‘Reid effect’. I fidget and spout out useless statistics, especially when I’m uncomfortable or nervous. I can go on the nerves of the people around me and local police usually make fun of me or disregard me altogether. Your dad has had much trouble trying to socialize me and I’m not sure he’d consider me a success story if you’d ask him. I might be a lot of things, Stephen, but I’m definitely not better than you or more like your dad. Neither you nor him have, to my knowledge, ever been accused of having Asperger’s, for starters.”

 

“And have you? Asperger’s, I mean.”

 

Reid shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“I don’t know but I’ve gotten it a lot.”

 

“Well, you know what I think? I think we’re both pathetic.”

 

“Huh?” – Where had that suddenly come from?

 

“I think you need to understand too what I just finally did: my dad loves both of us for what we are. He doesn’t expect us to be anything else than ourselves. He loves birdwatching with me. We used to work on my old motorbike together and he taught me to drive. We watched _ancient_ movies and listened to old music.”

 

Reid smiled, finally having gotten it too.

 

“We usually play chess or poker. I’m good at both and your dad is the only one who has ever managed to beat me. He usually does, as a matter of fact, and he’s trying to teach me to win against him. We talk about books and psychology and criminology. We do research together and give lectures. He’s been helping me with social skills but he doesn’t seem to mind that I’m useless anyway.”

 

“So, he loves both of us.”

 

“Yes, I guess he does. Does it bother you?”

 

“No. I don’t think it does… But what does that make _us_?”

 

“Good question…”

 

“Yeah. Good question. Maybe we should try to figure it out.”

 

“Maybe we should.”


End file.
